Miscellaneous modern culture artifacts

Reading Time: 2 minutes

Recycling the past seems to be the big news in dance music at the moment. A series of Todd Terry classics have been re-released, my recommendation is the remix of The Texican on the flipside of Orange Lemon’s Dreams of Santa Ana.

E2 E4 by Manuel Goettsching was a 60 minute piece of modern composition that got cult status from the early house and Ibiza DJs who threw everything in the mix if it worked; Prins Thomas captures the essence of it so that you don’t have to hunt down a rare as rocking horse sh!t original copy and then sit through a mindnumbing 28 minutes a side.

Pink Floyd’s Welcome To The Machine gets turned from pretentious rock meister werk to dancefloor monster by the Dirty Funkers with the help of a fistful of acid sounds and a 909 kick-drum. Pete Heller’s Timewarp sounds familar but at the same time is new, go for the dub mix.

A couple of classics from Zoo magazine, first up their tips for modern living: how to fold a t-shirt shop assistant style and tips on getting the most out of your order at Subway – by saying the name of each ingredient with the air of finality as if it is the last ingredient that you will ask for so that the server will pile plenty of stuff on.

Living parody Tim ‘Holla’ Westwood’s Pimp My Bride column in Zoo had me rolling around the supermarket aisle of Budgens laughing at his reviews of reader submitted snaps of young ladies and his agony aunt column. Just to give you a flava (sic) here’s a quote from the Westwood translator at the bottom of the page

  • “Gorilla pimpin’ (noun) A display of bestial or atavistic sexual aggression, most commonly directed towards a ‘shorty'”
  • “Shorty (noun) Desired female sexual partner. Contrary to the epithet’s connotations, she need not be deminitive in stature”

Just what we need: a middle-aged son of an anglican bishop being a role model for young chavs to smack their b*tch up.

This advice seems to run contrary to Tim wearing his agony aunt hat:
“Being drunk is some dumb sh!t. To get a girl you’ve got to have some game, some swagger, some bounce. Get your flow on, do you, be yourself – that’s all you need. What you scared of – failing? So what? What have you got to lose? At least you tried and you won’t torment yourself and be thinking about it next day. If there’s a girl you like, go kick it with her. And if she disses you , you’re better off without that b*tch. Just be respectful, confident and kick your game.”