Came across this on Wired News: papernapkin.net an email rejection service for those sticky moments. The service sends out a standard rejection to those you spurn. What’s even funnier is the blog that they catalogue the best emails received.
Text of their standard response
Subject: Nice to hear from you
Ha ha, just kidding. Actually, this is a rejection letter. The person who gave you this email address does not want to have anything to do with you.
This is probably bad news, and many people cope with bad news in phases: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Let us help you through these:
“It must be a mistake”: Nope. You got an address in the form firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com, right? Well, all we here at papernapkin.net do is send rejection notices. If you got this email address, it wasn’t an accident. No, you’ve definitely been rejected.
“Why is this happening to me?”: Well, there are two main points. First, the person you wrote to obviously had this email address ready to give you, so they probably get hit on a lot. Second, for whatever reason, that person would rather let you get this rejection letter than reject you in person. So who should you be mad at: all the other creeps who have hit on this person before you, ruining your chances; or you yourself for being too intense or scary to be let down gently? Either way, you really shouldn’t be “angry” at anyone – what good does that do?
“I promise I’ll do better next time”: Fine, great, but just not with this same person, okay? The message being sent here is pretty clear. Besides, it may not even be your “fault” – as we pointed out above, this person was hit on enough to memorize firstname.lastname@example.org long before you came along. Maybe you’re just out of your league here. Maybe this person’s has built up walls around themselves that are just too thick to breach. Either way, don’t try again. If you do, you’re just going seem like a stalker… or worse! Go ahead an clean up your act if you think you should – just be sure to find a different audience to try it out on.
“I don’t care anymore”: Aw, we can’t leave it like that! Buck up, little nipper! It isn’t all bad! At least you were rejected in the privacy of your own email account; you had no chance to do or say anything that you would later regret; and you’ve saved the time and effort of pursuing a no-chance relationship.
Besides, you didn’t just get rejected – you’ve learned about a great new tool: papernapkin.net. After all, this is nothing personal to us. We have no beef with you, and we’d be just as pleased to serve your rejection needs as we are to serve anybody else. So if you ever need to reject somebody, be sure to tell them to write to you at email@example.com.
How’s that? All better now? Good. And good luck to you, buddy. Maybe next time you will get a real email address!